Having been a small animal veterinary surgeon for a great number of years I have of course come into contact with many people who have lost a much loved pet or animal companion and are very upset and are mourning for their loss and may continue to do so for some considerable time. Looking through the memorial web sites that pet owners create on the Internet when a beloved pet passes away I can see that there are a number of ways that people can eventually cope with the loss of a pet and come to terms with it. Some people are surprised or even embarrassed about the depth of grief and loss that they experience when their pet dies, this is quite normal. In the back of their minds they are concerned that others such as friends and colleagues would think “It was just a pet”, “or only an animal” and be surprised at how the death affected them and they are often embarrassed to show this side of their personality to others and so will hide their grief.
.What I have come to understand over the years is that we often form a very special bond with our pets, they become part of the family and we love and take care of them for many years. Many people confide in their pets (if my dog could talk I’d be in big trouble, that’s for sure!), pets help to take us out of ourselves when things are not going so good in other areas of your lives and they have truly unconditional love to give us. All of this goes to form that special bond that when broken by the death of our pet goes to make a substantial loss in our lives. It could be that those who think “it’s just a pet” have never really formed that special human /animal bond, and this brings to my mind the beautiful quote by Anatole France.
.“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.”
.It is totally normal to grieve for a lost pet and it is also probably necessary if you had that special bond with your pet and now are experiencing problems and need to pass through your loss, I have known people cope with it in different ways.
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1. Many people find that writing down their feeling helps enormously. A simple heartfelt verse or poem is a very good way to contact the grief that you feel. Writing down your favourite memories, or an expression of the relationship that you had with your pet will go to help with the grieving process.
.2. Others may want to mark the passing of a pet in other ways with a headstone or other physical memorial or perhaps scatter your pet’s ashes in the garden.
.3. More and more people are creating on-line memorials and many of the people who do say that it actually helps them to focus on their feelings and memories as well as giving friends and family a chance to better understand the relationship that they had with their pet.
.With both the death of a human or the loss of a pet it is well accepted that in order to truly come through a period of loss and grief, one must be able to face every aspect of the loss. Focusing your attention on your pet’s life and what they meant to you may very well help in that process. We sometimes have to cry the grief out to allow the joy of our good memories to shine through, so if you are coming to terms with the loss of a pet or animal companion and if you are finding it difficult, try focusing your attention on your pet, try writing a short poem, try writing down exactly what your pet meant to you. Yes the tears will come but that is good if you continue to look at those memories and feelings soon you will feel better and you will be left with just the good memories. However more importantly you will be able to enjoy those memories once the grief has gone as they surely will, time is a good healer.
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